


Tattoos, Pick-up Lines, Snacks, and Flirting: How to keep a relationship interesting after two centuries together

by Alyas_Alias



Series: Ukitake Juushiro x Onmitsukido!Reader [1]
Category: Bleach
Genre: F/M, Flirting, Fluff, One Shot, Other, Pick-Up Lines, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 02:27:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18714643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alyas_Alias/pseuds/Alyas_Alias
Summary: Juushiro's significant other, [Name] stops by to flirt with her favorite captain.Started because of some dumb pick-up line I thought up and the plot-bunnies decided to have a field-day with it.





	Tattoos, Pick-up Lines, Snacks, and Flirting: How to keep a relationship interesting after two centuries together

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a real-life friend of mine. Pick-up-lines are their guilty pleasure and whenever we got together we’d throw-down with our best “bad” pick-up lines to make each other laugh. I came up with: “Darling, you don’t need a/another tattoo. You’ve already got something regrettable wound around your arm for life: me.” 
> 
> That thought, and the fact that I got back into BLEACH and am Juushiro trash birthed this silly gem. 
> 
> Something I want readers to understand here in regards to the way I write: I watch the subbed version of anime, BLEACH included. Because of that in my head the characters are called “Ukitake-taicho” and whatnot. However, I don’t want to write it out like it sounds in my head. I’m writing in English and a part of me feels like typing out the Japanese ways of referring to people and whatever is a little annoying. It reminds me of my weeaboo days (I was fairly annoying) and I want to separate myself from that as much as possible. That’s why I’ve made an executive decision that I’m going to write and refer to the characters in the story in English format. Not in the sense that I’ll reverse their surnames and given names, but in the sense that the narrative parts will refer to characters by their given names as is common in English, and they’ll be addressed by whatever name the Japanese characters would normally use in speech.
> 
> For example: Ukitake Juushiro  
> In my head other characters would refer to him as “Ukitake-taicho”. In my writing these characters will refer to him as “Captain Ukitake”. In the narrative bits of the story he’ll be referred to by his given name, “Juushiro”. I’ll only delve into things using Japanese honorifics when it suits the situation. For example, I imagine that Juushiro’s beloved might call him “Juu-chan” as a cutesy nickname and translating that into “Juushiro” or just “Juu” doesn’t retain the same lovey-dovey tone I want to keep.
> 
> It’s the same thing for some other terms in canon. For example, I know that what I refer to as “flash-step” here is “shun-po” in the original Japanese and that’s the term my brain thinks in. Ditto for “Rukon District” and “Rukongai”. Once again, my personal issue with this is that it reminds me of weeaboo behavior and that’s something I want to separate myself from. On the original document, any terms in another language like "shun-po" or "Onmitsukido" are italicized. Unfortunately, it looks like as I post this the italics are being tampered with.
> 
> Who knows, maybe I’ve made a huge mistake and I’ll cringe and try to change things in the future. For now though, this is how I want to write so please enjoy.

“I’m terribly sorry!”

            Renji blinks, dumbfounded, as he processes his empty hand and the papers fluttering around him. The apologizing party is already on their knees, picking up the scattered papers when he realizes that they must have bumped into him.

            “W-Watch where you’re going. Sheesh.” Renji gets down to pick up the papers as well.

He was on his way over to the Thirteenth Division to deliver some papers. Apparently, the captain of the Thirteenth had sent some papers over to his captain about sending Rukia to the human world as the new reaper in charge of Karakura Town. Juushiro is kind like that. He didn’t have to tell the other squads anything but it seems he went out of his way to inform Byakuya of anything involving his beloved sister. The papers Renji is taking back to the Thirteenth aren’t official business but they do have Byakuya’s signature of approval on them.

The girl stands up and hands him the stack of papers with another apology.

“It’s fine. Just…don’t use flash-step in the halls. They’re kind of narrow, if you haven’t noticed.” He admonishes her, realizing she’s an unfamiliar face. She blushes red and keeps her eyes on her feet.

“S-Sorry. I just…I got excited.”

Only now does Renji notice that her feet are taking her in the same direction as him. The cogs in his brain begin to turn. The girl is flustered. She’s bushing. She’s not meeting his eyes. And she ‘got excited’. An image of Rikichi pops into his brain. Ah, so she’s another fan of his. He grins.

“It’s fine to be excited. Just watch where you’re going. The halls are narrow and Captain Ukitake doesn’t have the strongest constitution. What if it had been him you bumped into?” He notices her ears flushing and assumes it’s from embarrassment. “Well, it’s fine. It was just me you bumped into.” They’ve arrived at the Thirteenth Division office and he performs a customary knock before tugging the sliding door open. He uses the same hand to ruffle her hair. “Relax. Be mindful of how you carry yourself and maybe in a few decades I’ll see you at a vice-captain’s meeting.” With a last smirk at his blushing fan, Renji strides into the office of the Thirteenth Division.

“Captain Ukitake, I’ve brought some papers over from Captain Kuchiki.”

“Ah, yes, please set them over here. Thank you.” Juushiro leans around a tall stack of papers to see who his guests are. His eyes brighten when he sees [Name] behind Renji. “Was there anything else you needed from me today?”

“No, sir. I’m off now so I’ll be going.”

“I see. Thank you for your hard work. Have a good afternoon.” Juushiro flashes a smile as he waves off the vice-captain of the Sixth Division.

Renji strides out of the office, passing [Name] without a second glance. She stands by the door, politely waiting for Renji to finish official business before doing anything. The second the door slides shut she lifts her gaze and smiles at her beloved.

“Hi, Handsome.” She skips over to his desk and gives him a chaste peck on the cheek, skipping away before he can pull her in for more.

She moves about the office with practiced ease, wordlessly fetching a tea pot off of a shelf, and pulling premium tea leaves and her own tea cup out of one of her usual hiding spots. She’s heard of more questionable things hidden in offices (booze, R-rated pictures, sentimental junk, etc.) but for her it’s tea. Juushiro is always drinking tea, whether he got it himself or someone made it for him. That’s why she keeps her own favorites and special blends hidden, so that the tea she makes for them will stand out from the hundreds and hundreds of other cups of tea he has throughout the month.

            He’s looking well today so she’ll hold off on the sleep-aids and calming teas. It’s probably best. Sweet and calming teas are amazing, but the bitterness of _genmai_ will go well with the snacks she brought. She hears the sound of a pen scratching away at papers but knows that Juushiro’s looking at her just as much as he’s looking at the papers before him.

            “Abarai seemed pretty taken with you. Don’t tell me you’re trading me in for a newer model.” She smirks at his teasing; it’s a sure sign today’s one of his better days if he’s willing to start something playful.

            “He probably just thought I was another fan of his. He’s some sort of inspirational person, isn’t he? I’ve heard rumors at the Academy that some students are applying to Sixth Company because they look up to him.”

            “My, my. They still talk about him at the Academy? It’s been a few decades since he graduated.”

            “Mmm-hmm. If ‘red hair’ and ‘tattoos up the wazoo’ are accurate descriptors then I think he’s the one.” Juushiro chuckles at that.

            “I heard he adds to his…art…with every victory. It’s meant to be some sort of tally system.” Juushiro takes a sip of the cup of tea [Name] sets before him, leaning back as he feels her fingers in his hair, untangling knots and massaging his scalp. He leans into the touch and relishes in the comfort it brings.

            “I don’t think it’s used to count victories so much as brag about them. The people I’ve met that adhere to a similar philosophy are usually more brawn than anything. Arms as wide as tree-trunks. More surface area, I guess, which only further inflates their egos. The tattoos are meant to be a display…like a peacock strutting it’s tail feathers for attention.”

            “You mean like a mating display?”

            “I wouldn’t put it in those words, but yeah. Some people like those displays. Kumiko does,” [Name] shudders as she recalls finding a lost notebook and paging through it in hopes of returning it to its owner. “The things she wants to do and wants done to her by Abarai—ugh—if Sixth Company doesn’t take her she’ll have a promising future as an R-rated novelist.”

            Juushiro doesn’t laugh at that statement like she hoped he would. She can’t see his face from her spot behind him, but she can feel the change in his mood.

            “Juu- _chan_?”

            “A-Ah…d-do you like that sort of thing…?”

            [Name] quirks an eyebrow, pondering his words. A glimpse of his pale, unmarked neck as she moves his hair aside makes the pieces click in her mind and she smirks, trailing feather-light kisses along his neck as she slowly moves to face him.

            “What need do I have for tattoos?” She whispers this breathlessly as she side-steps slowly to his side, continuing her trail of kisses along his jaw. “What need do I have for a man that’s all muscle and nothing else?” She moves her arms, wrapping them around his shoulders loosely as she continues to slink around, settling herself into his lap. “What need do I have for a tramp-stamp or a sleeve?” She ends her trail of kisses with a solid kiss on his lips. She doesn’t plan on lingering but his gentle hands on the back of her neck urge her to stay until they are both panting for air. “I don’t need tattoos, neither on me or on my beloved,” She delights in the pink tinge coloring his ears at those words. “After all, I’ve got you wound around my arm for life, right?” She smiles, resting her forehead on his. He mirrors her smile, drawing her closer with his arms around her waist. “You should take a break. Tea is meant to be enjoyed, not absentmindedly sipped on and forgotten behind stacks of paperwork.”

            “I’d love to, but I’ve been away from work for far too long.” He doesn’t need to specify that he was away unexpectedly.

            “Pawn it off to your third-seats. Isn’t that what the other captains do?” [Name] offers a sly smirk as she swiftly gets up off of his lap and makes her way to the couch she tossed her bag onto upon coming in.

            “That’s what _bad_ captains do.” Juushiro searches his desk for a pen as he keeps up the conversation. He’s so immersed in his search that he hasn’t considered suspecting his beloved. [Name] turns around to hide the tell-tale smirk growing on her lips, unbidden. She tucks the pilfered pens deeper into her _shihakusho_ and innocently goes to rummage around in her bag.

“I’ve heard the way they talk about you. They’d talk each other into going to Hell and back to retrieve hot coals to warm your office if you so much as mentioned being a little chilly. That is, if you left them alone for too long. Paperwork is a lot less dangerous than going to Hell for coal. You should let them have the paperwork.”

“Not happening. I’ll feel bad for them if I make them work any harder.” Juushiro laughs, now searching the area around his desk for a pen.

“They worship the ground you walk on. No lie, I’m sure they were setting up a shrine around the corner when I walked in! You should bless them by giving them some honored artifact of their religion: papers touched by their God himself!”

“I’d be breaking labor laws if I made them work any more than they already do.” Finally finding a pen, Juushiro sets about trying to write with it. It’s a standard ball-pen, from the world of the living, but it’ll do. Apparently not. He tries to put the nib to paper but realizes that a key component is missing: the nib and ink cartridge have been removed. What he has in-hand is nothing more than a cylinder of plastic. “[Name], what did you do to my pens?” The missing pens were one thing, but the obvious tampering of this one proves that this was no accident. Juushiro finally brings himself to suspect his lover and her uncanny ability to be a distraction.

“Those laws only exist in the Human World…and only in some countries. Besides, they’re going to wait on you hand-and-foot even during their off-time. Giving them the paperwork will keep them out of trouble. I might have been joking about the shrine, but the hot-coals thing isn’t all that far from the truth. You should give them the paperwork—for their own safety.” [Name] turns around, hiding something behind her back with a smirk.

“That better be a working pen behind your back, missy.” Juushiro makes no move to leave his desk, stubbornly keeping his knees under himself  _seiza_ -style. He will not move from his post until he has completed this stack of paperwork.

“So…you’re saying I’m to enjoy these _ohagi_ alone?” She shows him the box of sweets with a flourish. “And I went all the way to that little sweets shop in _Rukon_ for these too.” Juushiro’s eyes follow the box of sweets as she lays on the dramatics. “Hmm…You said Abarai was taken with me, right? Maybe he can change my mind on tattoos. If he’s the kind of guy that’ll share sweets with a lady to prevent her from devouring them alone then maybe I’m wrong about peacock-types.” Skipping toward the door, [Name] shouts what she knows will be the final spark to light a fire under her beloved. “Oi, Abarai—”

Before she can touch the door there’s a dry hand cupped lightly over her mouth and a comforting warmth pressed against her back. Kind eyes glare at her playfully behind a few stray strands of white hair. He feels her smirk under his palm, no doubt she thinks she has won their little game of teasing now that he is on his feet. Closing his eyes, he gives her a frigid smile.

“Darling, the only name coming from that sinful mouth of yours should be mine.”

“I see you’ve been spending a lot of time with Captain Unohana, sweetie. That sub-zero expression you’ve got on is almost enough to keep me in bed.”

“Almost, huh?”

“EEK!” [Name] flushes as her vision does a complete one-eighty. The sky and the ground switch places in her field of vision before she registers the sound of hurried footsteps.

Juushiro has literally swept her off her feet, having draped her over his shoulder, and is running at an alarming speed deeper into the Thirteenth Division’s quarters. It’s all she can do to keep herself from dropping the box of sweets as she knows he would die before he ever dropped her. The box is jostled as she is set down on a _futon._ They’ve made it to _Ugendo_ , the Ukitake family home. [Name] buries her face in the pillow to her right, committing his scent to memory.

“Darling,” She gestures to the box of sweets with a sly smile. “ _Ohagi_ is best enjoyed with tea.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little backstory on [Name] as I imagine her if you'd like some context and also because she was originally an OC I created for personal JuushiroXOC stories:
> 
> -[Name] has known Juushiro for centuries (for those that follow canon, the OC I’m basing [Name] on was a resident of the 78th Eastern District of Rukon and she was the one that led the Ukitake parents to Mimihagi’s shrine when “Juu-chan” was 3).  
> -[Name] attended the academy around the same time as Juushiro and Shunsui, but she wasn’t in the same year (up to 4 years behind them in the 6 year program). She wasn’t in the elite classes with them and she didn’t stand out among her peers that much either. She was just your average dime-a-dozen student at the academy. A background character, if you will. The only reason Juushiro noticed her at all was because he remembers her from that time at the shrine and he’s the one that decided to befriend her. He started talking with her, sometimes helped her with her studies etc. She and Shunsui were his closest friends, often spending time in the infirmary visiting him, sneaking him snacks or games or whatnot. They were close.  
> -I imagine they went through the awkward “everyone-thinks-we’re-dating-but-we’re-not-(unless you want to|)" phase at some point. I use terms of endearment to refer to them in this drabble, but I believe that their relationship in this could also be taken as platonic friends that are really close and enjoy flirting and some mild physical intimacy for laughs. In my mind, if [Name] and Juushiro are married it was probably kept on the down-low and not many people know of it. For one, they’re both more than 200 years old so it’s possible they got married long before most of the current cast were alive. Secondly, one or both of them do dangerous work. If [Name] is truly part of the Onmitsukido then she’s probably made enemies out of a few criminal reapers and such and if they knew she was married they may try to use Juushiro against her. Ditto for Juushiro with his position as a captain which is why their union had to be kept on the down-low.  
> -[Name] graduated from the academy seemingly without standing out. She graduated more than two hundred years ago (since Juushiro’s been a captain for at least 200 years in canon) and my OC version of [Name] does some instructing at the academy by day and can neither confirm nor deny whether or not she is a part of the Onmitsukido. It’s possible her records were altered or removed to ensure people wouldn’t go around asking questions. If a genius at the Academy suddenly disappeared after graduating or finding a job it’d raise a fuss, after all (pretty sure it’s canon that the Kido Corps and Onmitsukido Corps identities are kept under strict secrecy). Therefore, the fact that she’s old and not exactly a part of the 13 Companies are reasons why her relationship (close friendship or otherwise) with Juushiro isn’t common knowledge.


End file.
